Friday, July 3, 2009

Happy 4th of July

No I haven't fallen off of the face of the planet I just haven't been cooking. My poor husband is seriously going through normal food withdraws. This morning sickness crap that isn't really morning sickness but really all day and all night sickness is really kicking my butt. Not sure how much weight I have lost so far but it's enough that my pants are loose. I am not overly concerned with the weight loss since I gained about 15 pounds over the course of the year due to my steroid usage. I happily stopped taking them on June 4th and I am glad that I did because just a few days later I found out we were expecting. These past few weeks have seemed surreal to me, I still don't think the idea of being pregnant has settled in with me. I am still questioning whether all of the tests and the Doctor were wrong. I wonder when it will really hit me? My guess is during the labor and delivery portion of this adventure I am now on.

I am excited and nervous beyond words. Excited that after two years of trying to conceive it finally happened and without the help of doctors or modern medicine. It was almost a relief for both of us to know our "stuff" actually works. I will be 8 weeks next Wednesday and with every passing week comes a little bit of relief. My sisters miscarriage and the miscarriage rate during the first trimester weigh heavily on my mind. Deep down inside I truly feel that this little one is fine and that in seven months I will be holding him/her in my arms, unfortunately there is still that little voice in the back of my mind that reminds me anything could happen. I don't want to even think that God could be so cruel as to take yet another baby away from our family in such a short amount of time but I will go with whatever decision he makes for us.

We have already picked out names and I secretly hope that the baby growing inside of me is a little girl. Beggars though, cannot be choosy and I will warmly accept being a mother to a little boy. But God if you are listening, and I know the decision has already been made, but if you are listening, please keep in mind I live in a house with four male dogs and a husband, a little estrogen in the house would be so appreciated!!

I had mine first exam a little over two weeks ago and the Doctor is seriously questioning my conception dates. I know for a fact when my official dates are because I mark them down on the calendar...when you are trying to conceive you keep track of these dates. She questioned me twice on them and the reason being is that there may be more than one little miracle growing inside of me. Rumor has it steroid usage does something to the way you ovulate and having multiples run on both sides of my family only means one thing...I could seriously be having more than one. It will probably be confirmed at my next appointment which is on the 16th. The family in the mean time is having a hay day with the thought of twins. My Aunt swears I am having two, my MIL informed me that she had a dream the other night that I delivered twin girls and to top it all off, when I registered for the bedding...since we are already receiving gifts...I registered for two without realizing it. My goal is to have the nursery done by September for one reason, my nephew Dylan is scheduled to arrive then and I want to be prepared for over night excursions if I get any. Daniel is hoping with all his might that there are two, we had this discussion yesterday and I asked him, "you really want it to be twins don't you", his response, "yeah, it will be more fun". I wonder if my Mom thought it would be more fun when she found out she was having my twin brothers?? If I remember correctly she said she cried because she knew how hard it was to take care of one baby, let alone two at one time. I don't know that it will be fun right away, but I agree that eventually it will be a blast, of course up until the time they both need a car or go to college, this should be interesting on our bank accounts.

Speaking of my Mom, my parents are both really excited for this big adventure. My Dad is about to become a Grandfather for the first time with Dylan and then just a few short months later a Grandpa for a second and possible third time, I can't wait until we can get a picture of him holding all of his rugrats. My Mom on the other hand has suprised me. I never thought she was going to be one of those hands on Grandparents due to the fact mine weren't with any of us kids and plus parenting in our family is something that is being improved on with each generation as we learn from the mistakes of the ones before us. I know that my Mom loved us but she was never one to get down on the floor and play with us or do crafts or even sign up to be class Mom for that matter. My Grandma was the same way with them and they are all getting better. Being a Grammy as she has put it is something that I am guessing she is going to excel at. I was on the phone with her the other day and out of no where she said "I am so excited", for what I asked, "for this baby" she responded. She is already calling the baby the "lil beazer" and I was informed not to long ago that she and my sister would be getting weekend visitation in they will take my kid from me on a Friday and not deliver him or her back until Sunday. Please keep in mind I was not asked of this, I was told of this. She is also now on a quest to buy the baby a miniature pony, that started yesterday with an e-mail I sent her of a miniature pony over in England. She's dead serious to, I called her last night and she informed me she found one in Michigan for $500. This baby has gotten a present from my Uncle Dan and Aunt Robin every weekend now since I found out I was expecting and now Grammy is buying him/her a pony. I thought they only did that in the movies?? I don't think this child will be spoiled rotten do you??

Anyway, just wanted to let everyone know I am doing good and to apologize for the serious lack of food blogging and commenting. I don't even do much blog visiting like I did in the past so please don't be mad at me since I am not commenting on anyone's blogs. I have zero appetite and am pretty much force feeding myself. I never thought I would have to do I promise I will be back soon and here shortly I will give everyone the link to see the new blog I started for the baby. I have lots of family out of state or that we are not in close contact with so I want to share all of the happenings of this pregnancy with all of them and what better way to do that than to start another blog!

Everyone please have a safe and happy 4th of July and please keep in mind all of our service men and women. They are the reason why we can continue celebrating this very special day for our country!!

She's having my baby...

I have always loved babies, the smell, the chubby legs, everything about them. Well almost everything, I could do without the poopy diapers and throwing up but I guess it comes with the territory. I was always fascinated with the thought of becoming a mommy yet was never able to picture myself as one. Today as I sit here typing this I realize I am becoming one. I have a tiny little being growing within me created by two people who had been trying for more years than I care to remember. I had finally reached the point of "if it happens, it happens", and if Nicole Kidman can do it at 40 then by golly so can I. Everyone always says "quit trying and then it will happen". I never clearly understood how you can just "quit trying" when you want something so desperately. I also don't know that we actually quit trying, I guess I just wasn't pouring over the idea quite so much.

This past year has been a struggle for me. My Crohn's or so the Doctor thought was going haywire and no medicine was helping, I was miserable and sick almost everyday. After almost a year with no relief I was really starting to lose my sanity. For a year I questioned whether it was my Crohn's causing my sickness and for a year my doctor ignored me. That was until about a month ago when he finally admitted that my gallbladder might be the culprit, something I had been screaming at the top of my lungs about for a year.

I was a week away from finding out whether or not my gall bladder needed to come out when the unexpected happened...I found out I was pregnant. I had been questioning it for a week and for a week I refused to take the test for fear it would be another negative. Imagine my surprise when instead of one line I got two...pregnant. My only reaction was too cry and to walk out into the living room waving the stick in my hand to show my Husband who had been saying all're not pregnant, you have been late and queasy before. Not pregnant huh, well here's your proof Daddy. His only word was "cool". I still don't think the shock of becoming parents has hit us and I don't think it truly will until we see the baby on the monitor for the first time and know for sure something is growing inside of me. I am two months into this pregnancy which means that we have seven more to go. I look forward to the end when after years of trying to have a child I will finally get to hold one in my arms.

Plans for my gall bladder are on hold for now although it will be addressed once I have successfully hit my second trimester. There is a digestive specialist in my OB's office who has operated on pregnant women for this same issue before and she feels that he will be my best bet. I of course would love to be able to hold off until after the baby arrives but sadly I have been sick now for over a year and am desperate for some sort of relief. I also worry what these symptoms are doing to by unborn child? That doctor and the nurse have both reassured us that the baby is fine as long as the problem doesn't worsen. If it does I am to contact them immediately. I pray I make it another four weeks when I will be officially in my second trimester. Fours week is so short when compared to the seven more months until February 18th is upon us. In February my entire life will change...I will be responsible for another little human being and while I look forward to the challenge I am also sad for the fact I will more than likely not be able to sleep in again until the child is 18 and even then as a Mother will I ever be able to stop worrying about this child of mine?

I look forward to sharing the rest of this pregnancy with you and I can't wait for the moment when I get to start sharing the milestones of this baby. Please sit back and join us for this wild ride into parenthood.