My first Remicade treatment has come and gone and I wish I could say that it went without drama. Once again the nurse missed my vein and the fluids and medication leaked out into my arm. I am so tired of needles and nurses that I could just break down and cry...which I did while they were thumping my arm trying to locate a new vein. Can someone please explain to me how a fat person can have such small veins? It makes me want to scream. Can someone also explain to me why it took them three attempts and puncture wounds before they figured out that maybe they should use a smaller needle?? They loaded my body with six bottles of Remicade at $1000 each and to say I am quite frustrated with the fact I feel just like I did before is an understatement. I am spending yet another Saturday night without my Husband as he had a concert to attend that I just couldn't even fathom attending with him. I am frustrated, depressed, sad, and angry. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry uncontrollably. I would not wish this horrible disease on my worst enemy. A person should not have to endure the sort of pain and suffering that I have been dealing with and to make matters worse, it is getting worse with every day. I have hit the stage of the disease where weight is falling off of me and with every stroke of my hair I can pull out clumps that should still be attached. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't function like a normal human being. I am confined to my home and wishing for the light at the end of the tunnel. I was told that while some people notice an immediate difference after their first treatment, many do not notice until after their third. My third treatment isn't for another six weeks and I just pray that I am able to make it that far.
On a lighter note when checking on my blog this evening I noticed that I was awarded another award. It brought the first smile to my face on this cold February evening. Thanks to the ladies at A Dash of Life and Raoulysgirl. I will be awarding the same award to some of my fellow bloggers later on. I want to take my time doing so and to be honest, I am worn out and ready to hit the recliner with my trusty heating pad.