Another Award!

I was awarded another wonderful award from Gracey and 5th Sister and I must say it is very meaningful to receive these awards from these ladies and everyone else who have passed them onto me. Blogging for me has given me a space for my creative ways in the kitchen and allows me the opportunity to share them with others. It has also provided me the opportunity to visit with other bloggers such as Gracey, and get a look into what happens in other homes across the world. While we may never meet face to face, I can honestly say I have a great group of friends in this world we call cyberspace and I am thrilled to say I am gaining new ones everyday. I have been overwhelmed with the wonderful outpouring of love, support, and well wishes during the struggle I am going through with my disease and it does my heart good.


The rules for accepting this award are listed below:

Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.
Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with "Honest Scrap." Well, there's no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

First off, here are my 10 honest things about myself, I apologize in advance for anything that may come out sounding like I am nutcase!

1.) I married the first man I ever dated/kissed/had relations with(please see apology above). I would send out an extra apology to my Uncle Dan for forcing him to read this, but our family is all crazy and we know about everyone's special relations. Isn't that right Uncle Dan and Aunt Robin??? I can't wait to tell my daughters one day, should I be blessed with any, that I waited for that one special someone!

2.) While I enjoy being married to my Husband, who I truly fall more in love with with every passing day we spend together, there are days when I miss my single days of apartment living. Having my own space, no dogs to dirty my home, moving each year to something new and exciting, and not having to worry about cleaning and pleasing someone else. Does this make me a bad wife?

3.) While I love our dogs dearly and get sad just thinking about the day when they will no longer be with us, there are times when I want to open the front door and let them go. Times like when I run home for lunch, prepare whatever I am going to eat, sit down in my comfy recliner and turn on the Price is Right and Wagner comes over and shakes his head and flings drool all over me and what I am eating. Or the times when I am just falling asleep at night and Toby lets the most ungodly fart possible and I have to vacate the bedroom. Lord, please bless me with daughters, I can't handle any more nasty male anything!!

4.) While Daniel and I both enjoy being homeowners, we bought the second house we looked at after being approved. It was definitely an impulse buy and one we both regret terribly. We hate our house and after having been forced to make thousands of dollars in repairs and updates we never imagined having to make because our inspector should have caught them, I have wondered what it would take to burn the place down? Dogs and personal belongings not included! Is it also bad to wish the tree out back would fall on our roof like our neighbors did, we need a new roof and gutters??

5.) I love to cook and our Saturday night dinners are becoming somewhat of a chore because I try to outdo myself each and every week. I really need to stop and realize, these guys don't care what I make, as long as I make something and we get to be together that's all that matters.

6.) My parents divorced when I was three years old, within a year they were both remarried. Those marriages have now failed, so I am now the proud daughter of four single people. I don't like thinking that my Mom and Dad were ever married...it makes me ill...I don't know why. Maybe it's because I don't remember what it was like with them being together and it's weird to think they ever were. I am glad they aren't together, I think my relationship with them would be very different had they have stuck it out. The one marriage I do wish was still together is my Mom and Step-Dad's...they lasted 20 years and I don't think our family will ever be the same, I don't think they ever will either and it's already been 3 years. At the end of the day however, I will never be alone, I have family coming out of ever nook and cranny and I feel blessed that each and every one of them is a part of my life . I am 25 years old and I still get multiple birthday celebrations and each year at Christmas I make out like a kid in a candy store. In my case, having divorced parents has more positives than negatives and I am a better person for it.

7.) My senior year of high school, when everyone else was running around picking schools and trying to decide on what they were going to be when they grew up, I could have cared less. I chose the one college that was closest to home and I knew would accept me. I picked the one major I knew would make my parents proud and I went with it. I failed terribly and was not ready for the commitment going to college and being someone took. I knew why I lacked the commitment then and it's the same that holds me from going back. At the end of the day I don't know what I want to major in and I don't want to waste anymore time, and it's because the only thing I ever wanted to do with my life was to be a wife and a mother. I want to be the wife that has breakfast ready for her husband in the morning and dinner on the table when he gets home. I want to be the Mom who packs her kids lunch everyday, the classroom Mom and chaperone, and I want to be the Mom who waits at the bus stop every afternoon to walk her children home and ask them how their day went. I don't need a fancy education or a degree in computer engineering that I thought I needed at the time to be either of those things. I just need Daniel and the children I hope to one day be blessed with. It terrifies me that I am going to be 26 years old this year and I am still without a child. I honestly don't know what I will do if I never get to become a Mother. The fact that my sister, who by the way is 5 years younger than I, is pregnant with her first after just a few months of marriage and trying, doesn't help with this matter. I guess if God feels that motherhood is not in my future, I will just have to be the best darn Aunt a kid could ever have!

8.) I would love to have a wedding cake business. Unfortunately, I am no good at baking from scratch. Having to use exact measurements is not good with me. I am like my Grandma, a little bit of this and a little bit of that. You cannot do that in baking. So instead I would like to open up a 50's style diner and one day be on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dive's!! Guy cracks me up. Daniel likes him to, got his book for Christmas.

9.)My goal in life is to be as positive as possible. Sadly, I am the most negative person on the face of the earth. I am a glass half empty sort of gal and I have come to terms with it. After re-reading some of the previous eight truth's about myself, I really think I should do something about it...lol. See a therapist maybe? :)

10.) Here is a positive one. Should one day I ever have any children my children's first names will all end with s-o-n. Our first daughter will be Addison Grace, our first son will be Jackson Daniel, second daughter will be Emerson Faith, and our second son will be Grayson Matthew. Sadly out of all of these names Daniel only likes Jackson Daniel and it is because of the liquor Jack Daniels...MEN!! Also, none of them will go by their full first name, I have shortened them all, Addie, Jack, Emmie, and Gray. Not in love with Gray, but I absolutely adore the name Grayson so I will deal with it. With this all being said though, I will probably have to name my kids something else to please their Father so we do have backups such as Leah Grace, Olivia(Livy) Faith, and Jacob(Jake) Matthew. We shall see if he caves or not when the time comes.

I know I now need to select 7 others to award this to however since I have been working on this for several days now and it is all ready a book long, I am going to post my selected bloggers separately this afternoon.

Amazing...

I have the most exciting thing to share with everyone and it's one of those I could poddy in my underwear sort of events. I just hope everyone else is excited as I am.

Today, I received at work, an e-mail containing a PDF file of a recipe book called "Insider's Recipes Master Edition". Friends...this book contains the recipe for things such as Arby's Horsey Sauce, Auntie Ann's Pretzels, KFC Baked Beans, and McDonald's Big Mac Sauce and those are just the tip of the iceberg. Now I don't know how close to the actual recipe these are but here is my plan to find out. Every Sunday for the next several weeks I am going to select what I feel is a very popular dish/sauce/soup from this book and test it out just to see how close they really are to the real thing and whether or not I like the homemade version better. Since I can't list the entire table of contents, shoot me an e-mail if you are looking for a recipe and I will see if it is included. I will try it out and report back!

I can't wait to get started, I think this is going to be very interesting!!

Today is my birthday...

No it's not really mine, I would prefer to not discuss my birthday. This last birthday and the next four to follow are really tearing me up inside, I am not going to handle the big 3-0 very well, I can already tell. Twenty five was a rough one and this years 2-6 isn't going to be any easier. Don't ask me why I am like this, I can't really tell you. I think it's the fear of getting older and eventually passing on. It scares me to think of not being on this earth surrounded by my family and friends. In fact just thinking about death makes me hyperventilate. Let's talk about something else shall we??

While today is not my birthday, it is the birthday of a particular fan of this little ol' blog I affectionately call Katie's Korner. I missed his birthday celebration on Saturday due to the fact I was a little under the weather and unable to leave my home so we are having birthday dinner round two at my joint this coming Saturday. That right there should tell you how special this man is to our family, not very many people get multiple birthday celebrations like I do every year. There is something to be said about having divorced parents who re-married and then divorced again. There's a lot of guilt flowing in my extended family and I get to reap the rewards...lol.

(Uncle Dan and Aunt Robin at the cookie bake-off)

Anyway, this particular man is not only my favorite Uncle, but he's my Godfather, and pretty much my third Dad. Technically he's my second since he came before my step-dad, but I categorize them all together so we're good. If I wasn't with my Mom and Step-Dad or with my Dad and Step-Mom, I was with my Uncle Dan and my Aunt Robin. A kid can never have to many places to call home and their house was definitely just as much mine as all my other homes were.

If I only have one visitor to my blog each day I can count on it being my Uncle Dan. He enjoys reading my posts just as much as I enjoy creating them. He is my ultimate recipe taster and I know that if I were to do anything to make him happy, it would be to cook him something. Since I am making him a big dinner on Saturday I thought I would do something a little sweet tonight. Hope everyone enjoys and yes Uncle Dan, a fresh one will be ready for you upon your arrival on Saturday.Apple Coffee Cake (Adapted from allrecipes.com)

Ingredients:
Cake~
1/2 C. butter, softened
1 C. sugar
3 eggs
3 C. all purpose flour
3 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 1/2 C. milk
1- 21 oz. can apple pie filling
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
Topping~
1/2 C. chopped walnuts
1/4 C. packed brown sugar
2 tbsp. butter, softened

Directions:
1.) In a large mixing bowl cream butter and sugar. Beat in eggs, combine with flour, baking powder, and salt, slowly add milk.
2.) Pour half of mixture into a greased 9x13 baking dish. *Combine apple pie filling with cinnamon and spoon over batter. Drop remaining batter over filling and spread gently.
3.) Combine topping ingredients and sprinkle over batter.
4.) Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40-45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
5.) Cool on a wire rack.

* I added the cinnamon to the batter instead of mixing with the apples.

Verdict...this is good, not my favorite. I bought the cheap brand of apple pie filling and I can tell. I think next time I would make my own apple pie filling. Uncle Dan will like it, he will eat just about anything I make. Daniel's stuff not always, Daniel likes to sneak in the heat, we will not discuss the atomic buffalo turds will we Uncle Dan??

Blogging with a Purpose Award

As promised I have carefully contemplated all of my favorite blogs and I have decided...drum roll please...to award the Blogging with a Purpose award to Melissa at Schweet 'N Savory and to Sheila at Alice and the Mock Turtle.

I chose Melissa because I think it is so cool that at the age of 17 she can already cook like a pro. I have lost count of the times she has made me drool on my keyboard and I applaud her effort at trying to be the best cook possible. I couldn't even guess at what I was doing at 17.

Lastly I chose Sheila because not only does her blog provide us with more yummy recipes but also creative decorating and organizational tips. What I wouldn't give to have some of her organizational skills. If I had even a bit of those skills, I bet my two spare bedrooms would be used as bedrooms and not walk-in closets.

Anyway, congratulations Ladies and keep up the good work...I do enjoy it!!

I'mmmm Backkkkkkk!!

Yes...I am back, for now anyway. After yet another miserable weekend and what almost became a very eventful trip to Wal-Mart I broke down and against my Doctor's wishes went back on my steroids. They don't make me feel 100% but they allow me to feel half way human again so I didn't give a rats tushy what my Doctor felt. He is getting on my last nerve anyway, doesn't seem concerned with the fact I am getting worse by the minute and boy let me tell you, he did not like when I commented that I didn't feel he was doing enough to try to get this horrible disease under control. Oh well, he can't get upset with a patient who has been seeing him for almost a year trying to get this under control. He is a Doctor, Doctors are supposed to fix you when you are ill, and when they don't I think you are entitled to get a little on the crabby side.

Anyway, since I was feeling almost human today and feeling a little on the guilty side after my poor husband commented last week I hadn't made him dinner in almost two weeks, I felt compelled to put forth some sort of effort tonight. I use the term "effort" very loosely with this recipe because it is literally three ingredients with a few seasonings thrown in a pot and set to simmer. I learned it from my Grandma, of course she put a little bit more effort into hers. It's down home comfort and just what I needed tonight. This meal was actually the meal I served my family the day that my Grandma died. Serve it along with mashed potatoes and green beans and you have yourself one heck of a meal.


Beef N Noodles

Ingredients:
2- 32 oz. beef broth
1- 28 oz can of Keystone Heat & Serve Beef
1- 8 oz. package wide egg noodles
1 cup water
2 tsp. dried onions
1 tsp. black pepper

Directions:
1.) In a large pot bring to a boil beef broth and beef.
2.) Add dried onion and black pepper.
3.) Add egg noodles and add one cup of water.
4.) Turn heat to medium heat and allow to simmer for 15 to 20 minutes.

My first Remicade treatment has come and gone and I wish I could say that it went without drama. Once again the nurse missed my vein and the fluids and medication leaked out into my arm. I am so tired of needles and nurses that I could just break down and cry...which I did while they were thumping my arm trying to locate a new vein. Can someone please explain to me how a fat person can have such small veins? It makes me want to scream. Can someone also explain to me why it took them three attempts and puncture wounds before they figured out that maybe they should use a smaller needle?? They loaded my body with six bottles of Remicade at $1000 each and to say I am quite frustrated with the fact I feel just like I did before is an understatement. I am spending yet another Saturday night without my Husband as he had a concert to attend that I just couldn't even fathom attending with him. I am frustrated, depressed, sad, and angry. I just want to curl up into a ball and cry uncontrollably. I would not wish this horrible disease on my worst enemy. A person should not have to endure the sort of pain and suffering that I have been dealing with and to make matters worse, it is getting worse with every day. I have hit the stage of the disease where weight is falling off of me and with every stroke of my hair I can pull out clumps that should still be attached. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't function like a normal human being. I am confined to my home and wishing for the light at the end of the tunnel. I was told that while some people notice an immediate difference after their first treatment, many do not notice until after their third. My third treatment isn't for another six weeks and I just pray that I am able to make it that far.

On a lighter note when checking on my blog this evening I noticed that I was awarded another award. It brought the first smile to my face on this cold February evening. Thanks to the ladies at A Dash of Life and Raoulysgirl. I will be awarding the same award to some of my fellow bloggers later on. I want to take my time doing so and to be honest, I am worn out and ready to hit the recliner with my trusty heating pad.

Sick

I know it's only been a little over a week since I lasted posted something but it feels like it has been an eternity. Unfortunately this post will probably be my last for the next few weeks.

As I have mentioned before I have Crohn's disease and for the past eight months I have been getting sicker and sicker as the days go by. After my dreaded colonoscopy at the end of January it was discovered that my disease was not in remission as my Doctor had first thought but that it was mildly active. Normally this would be when I would be prescribed additional meds and started on heavy doses of steroids, this time for whatever reason my body is not responding to any of the medication, including the steroids. The only thing the steroids have managed to do for me is make me balloon up and feel like an old woman. After another painful weekend and sending my husband out on a bowling adventure with my sister and my cousin and their significant others while I stayed at home suffering I decided enough was enough. I am tired beyond words and am weak physically and emotionally from this. I have spent more money on co-pays and new medications this year than I would like to even really think about. So I made a decision that I knew would come eventually but one I have been dreading since I was first diagnosed several years ago.

Next week I start my first Remicade treatment, which for those of you who aren't familiar with the drug is an IV infusion that is done every few months. I get to go the the hospital and sit for a few hours while the drug is slowly pumped into my system. With this decision comes a lot of fears, the first being that it involves needles. I am embarrassed to say that I am a nervous wreck when it comes to needles and that fear became worse over the summer when I was admitted to the hospital. My nurse, without any care shoved the needle into my arm, an event that about sent my sister through the roof because she witnessed the neglect the nurse showed me, which isn't that big of a deal, but later that night when another nurse came in to take my blood pressure she put the cuff of whatever they call those things right over top of the needle which ended up shoving the needle through my vein allowing all of the IV fluids and medications to leak out into my arm for over a 24 hour period. There are no words to describe the pain and discomfort that is caused when the fluids leak out. My arm swelled up and became no use to me for about a day or two. Ever since then I have become a little on the ridiculous side when fearing the worst...ask my Aunt who had to witness my reaction during the course of being tested for TB. Anyway, the fact that this procedure involves needles is a little on the scary side for me but one I am dealing with...slowly.

I think the thing that scares me the most is that my body will now be dependent on this drug. I will have to have this done every two to three months now and for the rest of my life which is a very long term commitment when you are only twenty five years old. I am the biggest procrastinator on the face of the earth and am known to not do or complete tasks until I absolutely have to. I can't tell you how many times I got grounded as a child because of the fact I always waited until a day or two before a project or a report was due before I would start it. I think it's funny now because believe it or not, I always scored better on the last minute projects than I ever did on the projects I would start on time and actually dedicate myself to. I guess it's how I roll. It's just the thought of knowing that I have no choice with this and that now for three hours of my life every two to three months for the next fifty or sixty years is going to be filled with needles and a commitment that I can't get out of is just mind boggling.

And then of course are the what ifs. What if Daniel and I for whatever reason were to both lose our jobs and I would no longer be covered by insurance, how in the heck would I be able to come up with as much as $12,000 to pay for the treatment? What are the long term affects of the medication? This drug was put on the market back in 1998 so the longest someone has been on it is ten years. What if in twenty years other organs start shutting down? Will I be able to get pregnant and continue with the treatment while pregnant? Will my child develop cancer in his or her thirties because of the drug that I took while pregnant? I read that my chances of getting lymphoma is greater. Great...I may not be sick with my Crohn's but I may face cancer, is it worth it? The question that scares me the most is what if for some reason I can't get the treatment, whether it be because of lack of insurance or whatever, what will happen to me? How sick will I get without it because my body has become reliant on it to function? What if?

It is because of the fact I currently am scared to eat anything for fear of the aftermath and the fact I am to tired to even think about cooking and posting about a meal that I am going to be taking what could turn into a two week hiatus. I am currently living on toast and when I am feeling rebellious, a couple of bland scrambled eggs along with a large glass of V8 Fusion to keep the vitamins in my system. I don't imagine that you guys want to see post after post of toast with scrambled eggs so I am going to spare you. My poor husband though, he has been living off of leftovers, leftovers that I made on Saturday which I couldn't even finish. My poor pregnant sister had to take over the reins. It was a meal that turned out really good and one I didn't even get to enjoy, I promise it will be recreated when I am more alert and I will be more than happy to share with you. Until then, keep me in your thoughts and hold tight until I am back.